I am 16 years old and until August 31, I had lived in Germany for my whole life without a care in the world. I grew up traveling Europe and seeing the sights of many amazing countries and cultures. I knew I was lucky to have that opportunity but I guess I really didn't understand just how lucky until after the Summer of 2013.
It had been an amazing summer for me, one of the best of my life. It started out being terribly sad however. My Father is in the military and while we have been lucky enough to stay in the same place for a long time, most others in our military community are constantly moving every 3 years. It made it soo hard to form life-lasting friendships. I think the only friend I had for more than 3 years was Marissa Lozano, from 3rd grade. Of course over the years with her I learned that with long friendships people can change. We were still friends of course but we just sort of drifted apart. Anyway I hated that! So much! That just as soon as you became best friends with someone they were ripped away from you cruelly. It broke my heart every time, I would just sit in my room numb to everything and friendless, and it was always so hard to go back out there and make another friend that would inevitably leave too. Well in 8th grade I made an amazing friend, Ashlynne Perez. We didn't really become close until 9th and 10th grade. I felt closer to her than I had ever felt before. We just connected, we had a million inside jokes, we knew how the other thought. It was awesome. I hope that I will never lose her as a friend. However just as always she had to move. So right after school got out I went and stayed at her house for a week right up until she left. It was so much fun just a full week of bestie time! Although I think that it might have made it harder to say goodbye. It was the worst goodbye of my life, I was just thinking the whole time like, here is my soul sister and I have to say goodbye and never see her again? Make new friends? After her? Not possible. It was all so unfair. Plus I was crying so hard I couldn't say everything I wanted to, I finally just had to get in the car and sob to myself. That was such a bummer, I was in such a mood for like two weeks after she left.
Next up in my summer itinerary was a month long visit to Utah. Every couple years we went to Utah during the summer. It was always so amazing because the US was so foreign to me! Every time we came to visit I would just want to like soak everything in about the people and culture and everything. It was a little overwhelming, just because it was so different. Anyway this time I had come with a mission, to get my drivers license. In Germany you were not allowed to get a USEUR license (on base and off) until you were 17. So the plan was to get my license and then in December when I turn 17 I could more easily just kind of switch it to a USEUR license. So after a really interesting week long family reunion (the first family reunion I had ever gone to) I went to work getting all my driving/observation hours in. After that we went down to my Grandparents house in Delta, Utah. Delta is pretty much the smallest town ever, kind of boring sometimes but mostly interesting and fun, because of my cousins who live there also. After about a week it was time to take my drivers test, I was so nervous that I practiced parallel parking about a million times. I took the test in Nephi, another charming small town. I passed!! It was an amazing day! The rest of my month in Utah was a lot of fun but I was ready when it was time to go home.
Two days after getting home I went to EFY very jetlagged and probably not all that aware of what was going on. EFY stands for Especially For Youth, it is a week long LDS church camp (not really camping). EFY this year was in Blauberren, Germany. I had gone to EFY in 2011 at the same place and it had been amazing so I had high expectations this time. I was not disappointed. It was one of the best weeks of my life hands down. It was an international EFY so there was people from all over Europe; Serbia, Czech, Greece, Italy, Russia, Spain, Germany, and Hungary to name a few. Everyone was divided up into companies with around 12 boys and 12 girls in each with 2 counselors. My company was so cool! They were such strong amazing people! I loved them all! A few of the girls that I grew close to were from Greece, Italy, Holland, and Serbia. Every day was so fun with them! The room we stayed in was insane! It was basically a huge long hallway with bunkbeds, there was 43 girls in there! The bad part was that we all had to share 2 showers eek! I learned a lot that week about myself and others. I think that week will always be a cherished experience for me. If only because I got to meet so many amazing people!
After EFY I had a one week break before I went to girls camp (another church camp, actually camping this time). This year it was in Garmisch, which is the German Alps, it was so beautiful! I unfortunately had to leave early because we were going to Barcelona!
We flew to Barcelona on Ryanair ( a very cheap European airline) and got there in the afternoon. We stayed in a small apartment, we being me, Mom, Dad, and my 22 year old brother, Erik. The reason we went there was because Erik knows Spanish and has been dying to go to Spain and use it. Barcelona was awesome! I think it is one of my favorite cities in Europe (maybe because its the one I went to most recently but oh well). Barcelona just has this really cool energy that I love in cities! You just get the feeling that anything is possible! It is magnificent. I now feel like I should have enjoyed it more than I did. However after the first day it became apparent that something was up with Dad. He was not himself. I guess it had been happening for awhile but I think I was kind of wrapped up in myself that summer so I hadn't really noticed. He just felt awful like all the time, and he had terrible headaches. Also when we were walking around Barcelona we had to be holding on to him the whole time otherwise he couldn't keep track of us. It was awful to see. Well he had a neurology appointment for the day after we got back so we figured, its ok he will be fine until then. However the day we flew home on the flight he got quickly worse. He had a horrible headache and then when we got off the plane he was so out of it. He was walking funny and holding his arm all weird and it was so scary. So we immediately took him to the ER, however the American ER was an hour and a half away, so we had to endure a terrifying car ride first. By the time we got to the ER it was around 1 in the morning. They quickly took Dad for testing and such and Mom went too so it was just me and Erik in the waiting room, until Erik went to the car to sleep and it was just me. Just me alone with my thoughts, it was pretty much the worst night ever. Finally around 3, I think, Mom came out and simply said, "It's a really bad brain tumor go home and come back in the morning."....Well then. So I then had to go to the car and give Erik the bad news. We rode home in silence. I didn't sleep at all that night, I just wanted to be there, I wanted to know what was happening. Finally at 7 Mom called and said to come around 8 and told us where to find them and everything. So we went there and chatted for awhile, they weren't positive exactly what it was yet so the neuro surgeon was coming to talk soon.
When he got there he asked me and Erik to wait in the hallway, right then I could tell it wasn't good. Me and Erik waited for what seemed like hours but it was probably around 45 minutes. When we went back in the first Dad said was, "This is all part of a plan..." They were both crying and after they explained what he said we were all crying. I don't really remember exactly what they said, but the gist of it was that it was the worst kind of brain tumor, because it grows back again and again. There was so much to take in that I don't think that I understood that it was cancer until the oncologist came in. There was only around half an hour where we got to sit and take in the news. Then all the people started flowing in, Dad's coworkers, his boss, doctors, nurses, friends it went on and on. It was overwhelming. After awhile Mom made us go home and told us to come back that afternoon. That was the worst day, August 13, 2013. I don't even want to relive the rest of that day but it was not good. Dad was scheduled for surgery two days later. Before that both Katie with all of her awesome kids and Stella came to see Dad before surgery. Liza's passport was expired so she had to wait for around a week to get over there. I know that was hard for her, being away from everything that was going on. We were all kind of a big mess. Pretty much every conversation ended in tears. However I am so glad that all of my siblings came, I think as hard as it was it would have been worse without them. Dad came through surgery with flying colors, the doctor said it could not have gone better. That was such good news, everyone was so worried. After his surgery it became more clear that we would have to move to San Antonio TX, and soon. This was a daunting event that no one was looking forward too. Germany is home! How could I face leaving with no notice! Plus our house was huge and there was a lot of junk in it that had to be sorted. Through those two weeks before leaving there were so many amazing people that helped us; people brought food, helped sort things, babysat Katie's kids, picked up Stella and Liza from the airport, gave us blessings, etc. etc. etc.. It was amazing. And Dad was recovering well. There was even a run for him only a week after his surgery and he ran it! He is such and inspiration to me, he was always positive even when he has so much cause to be negative. Anyway there was a lot that happened during those two weeks but it was kind of a blur. However the day dawned when we would have to leave on medivac. I don't think it hit me that we were actually moving until that morning. We had to go to a military briefing about the flight and then we had some time when we said goodbye to Katie and Erik (Liza and Stella had already flown to Texas). That was horrible, I just remember wanting to stay there and just hug Leah forever. I pretty much had a meltdown, I am sure the military guys who had to security check us thought I was insane. The flight was not fun either, it was a very interesting experience but I would not want to repeat it.
We arrived to a fully furnished house, it was incredible. People from church had reached out and totally prepared the way for us to move into a nice house. It was pretty amazing.
It has now been exactly two months since all of this happened and I still don't think I have quite grasped it. It is the strangest thing living here. I guess I will adjust, but I'm not sure how, I miss Germany. I miss my old happy life. I feel like I took everything that I had for granted, and now its just gone. People keep saying that I am supposed to learn something from this, that I am supposed to become a better person. I am just not sure how to do that. My mother however has taken it upon herself to better me, which I do not appreciate whatsoever. I know she thinks it is best but I am not so sure. Dad is now almost through the first round of chemo/radiation. He is doing OK and he still runs everyday which is pretty amazing. I just decided that maybe writing all my feelings down would help....maybe....hopefully. Anyway it will be interesting. I hope that someday I can be happy in this new life. Here's to hoping for the best!
Here are some pictures of the Summer of 2013:
This is me and Ashlynne just a few weeks before she left
My cousin Mikala and I right after I got my drivers license!
When me and my cousins went to a mall, it was quite exciting!
EFY! This is Sara, from Greece, she was awesome!
My counselor, Karolina (from Hungary), Josh and I.
The whole company! They were amazing!
Karolina and I
Girls Camp in Garmisch!
Barcelona!
Erik and Dad on La Ramblas
The night before Dad's surgery.
Dad, two months later!
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